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Learning leaps and frustration

Every moment can be one of learning. As folks would say,

There are no L’s only lessons.

These past few weeks I’ve been allowing my children to freely play while I would cook breakfast. I had hoped for them to enjoy each other’s time and ignite their imaginative play skills.

Some mornings are smooth and full of laughter while others are full of tears of frustration.


The oldest typically gets frustrated the fastest and the most frequent. Sharing is a skill that she hasn’t had to explore consistently until a little over a year ago, when her brother was born.


Ive heard some child development professionals state that we shouldn’t expect children to share until age 8. It’s believable especially due to their underdeveloped social emotional brain.

And while I have to step in and break up fits of fury from time to time, I often times allow them to work it out.

One thing I do know is, frustration is an internal process often times having nothing to do with someone else.


Frustration is good for us. It‘s good for children too!


Its a wonderful mirror of our tenacity. Its an accurate measurement of our emotional intelligence. Its also a portal to improvement and conflict resolution skills.


So I allow my children to get frustrated, for a bit and regroup.

As parents we have to discern the amount of time that we can allow them to sit in their frustration. Sometimes, they can get “stuck” in a cycle of defeat. Sometimes they can identify their frustration and respond by avoiding or seeking an alternative task.


My oldest was getting frustrated learning how to tie her shoe and I noticed that we had similar patterns.

Perfectionism.


It wasn’t so much that she was upset that she couldn’t do it. She was upset that she couldn’t do it quickly or the first time.

We had many talks that first day and I had to explain that while it’s important to gain the skill, enjoy the ride (be presen in the moment) and practice frequently (one step at a time).


She was getting so upset that in a fit of rage she would throw whatever it is and yell “I CANT DO IT!”


There were a few behaviors that needed some guidance.


First of all, add a “Yet!” to that. Because eventually you’ll be able to do it.


Second, your abilities start in the mind. What you think is what you’ll become. So if you believe that you aren’t able, then youre right. You cant. So have confidence in your beliefs and bravery to try.


Last, Practice. Ok you’ve declared you want it. Now do the work.

As momma, I can see that she needed the structure and discipline to practice. She needed the push. She needed to borrow my confidence.

Needless to say after many fits, tears and tries. She tied her shoe.


With the biggest smile she said

Yes! I’m so proud of me!

You go girl!



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