As I prepare to move to another state I can't help but to feel a mix of grief and excitement. New beginnings and fresh starts have always energized me. In the same breath, I am sad to leave behind the communities and spaces that have nurtured me throughout my journeys of self-directed learning, mothering and birth work. As I feel through all the feels of transition I have been contemplating questions around connection. Let's face it, as humans we experience connection as protection and a means to survival. It's only natural that as I move through big shifts and lose the comforts around me that my sense of survival is activated.
One question that keeps coming up is, "How will I connect with soul-clients who are looking for my offerings?" (i.e. how the hell will I make a living?!?) Seeing that many of my former clients and colleagues make up my current community I suppose the larger question is, "How will I find another tribe that supports me and I can grow and learn with?" While sitting with this question I realized that I've been here before during other big transitions like becoming a mother or changing career fields. It's likely not the last time I'll find myself here either! Life has an interesting way of cycling back around to similar lessons to make sure you truly learn them.
So, alas, I'm here asking myself the same 5 questions I've asked myself many times before and I thought it might be useful to share with anyone else who is currently in transition and looking for their people right now.
Who are you?
It may sound cliché but I’m gonna say it…your vibe truly does attract your tribe. What do you care about most? How do you express that care? Reflect, meditate, pray, consult your inner/higher self or your ancestors…however you do it, tap into who you are so that you can show up as authentically as possible when connecting with potential tribe members. As you get grounded in who you are and what you offer in relationship you will attract those who resonate with who you are and desire the qualities you naturally embody.
What are you seeking?
Another cliché for you…what you are seeking is seeking you! Maybe you are simply looking for like-spirited people to homeschool with, go on field trips or provide occasional childcare for each other. Perhaps you want to cultivate a community garden, create a co-working space for entrepreneurs or find members to live off-grid and build a new sovereign community with (wink). Either way, doing the work of identifying your needs can help clarify what kind of relationships can help you expand and inspire your growth. When you gain clarity on what you need you are already opening yourself up to receiving it. You are essentially walking out onto a clear path where those who are looking for similar things can see you. When you put your needs into focus you are one step closer to knowing how to meet them.
Where are your people at?
Consider what you enjoy doing and how you invest your time. Then, do more of that! You’re likely to find your people doing some of the same things. If you enjoy the natural world, spend more time outside visiting your local forests, nature sanctuaries, and community gardens. If you’re a parent, you’re bound to meet other parents at the places you take your children to like the library or the park. It’s also a good time to consider who you are growing into. Are there any hobbies or passions you’ve been wanting to explore? It’s likely that if you’ve always wanted to learn a new skill and you begin to invest your energy in learning it in a group setting you’re likely to find people who share an interest and possibly may be able to support your learning. I’ve personally met lots of like-minded and spirited people in the virtual realm in online groups and on social media about health, spirituality, birth, motherhood, and entrepreneurship. Energy doesn’t have to be seen in the physical to be felt. Once you feel the resonance you can decide if you want to bring your connection to the personal realm.
What are you willing to give and receive?
Relationships require communication, accountability and cooperation. At some point or another, members of any community may learn the dance of compromise which –lets’ be honest—can sometimes be an awkward one. Just as you clarify your needs, its equally essential to clarify your boundaries for getting your needs met and meeting those of others. Sometimes there can be an unspoken (but insidiously felt) pressure that builds up around wanting to be everything for everybody and perhaps wanting others to be the same for you just to sustain a community that you commit to and enjoy the benefits of. Consider this: there are different valleys and channels for different rivers to flow. Sometimes waterways will intersect and other times they will carve their own paths. There are more than enough different groups to meet all the unique needs you have and there are enough people to play the roles that need to be fulfilled in them. Think, abundance!
How much are you willing to stretch and open up?
If you’re reading this, you’re already in the spirit of birthing newness and freshness in your life. New things emerge when there is spaciousness for it and often times that expansion is a result of you creating it. Revisit your deeply held beliefs about trust, vulnerability, and being in community with other people. Hold space for any encounter to be a thread in the tapestry of your ideal community. Even if you meet someone online who lives in another part of the world or connect with someone who may appear different from you at first, you never know who they know and how they can connect you to people and resources. Just like stretching your body, stretching your social connection muscles will help you develop a further reach and become more flexible as you call in what you are ready to receive. Embrace the flow and alignment of where you are now and allow spontaneous moments like shopping or stopping to talk to someone who compliments your outfit intuitively bring you closer to connecting with your tribe.
After you've reflected on these questions, I invite you to take a few deep breaths, bring a smile to your face, and call in your inner child to ignite your excitement as you find new spaces to play and grow. Your desires are already in motion and your tribe(s) are ready to welcome you..and so it is!